I started this blog with thoughts overflowing telling me to include every piece with perfection. I made an introduction but could not find the best words to fit what I wanted to say and I delayed it up until now. This very mindset is what first brought me into my current situation and the point of this blog is for me to change, to start anew.
To explain further, I have been out of work for almost one year. The time I spent was not completely idle, I did look for jobs, with greater passion towards the later stages. But I have yet to land one. Outside of my job search, little by little I lost parts of who I am. I spent less and less time meeting with friends, learning new concepts, and discovering myself. I restrained myself, making myself nothing until I find a job in which I would be allowed to be myself again. In a way this was my easy way out. For everything to get back to normal, all it takes is for me to get a job and my life would be back. My sole purpose was to find a job, and now that it has been a year without finding one, this year has almost been a complete waste.
With an all or nothing mindset, anxiety grew within me slowly taking over my everyday decisions. Last month I had a few opportunities I was really interested in. One went especially well and the qualifications and responsibilities matched me perfectly. This was my solution to all the problems. There was financial support, I would get experience from the position, and I would have filled the gap of not having a job. After my interview I put all my energy is believing that I got the job and just waiting for a reply. Two weeks later, no response. A week after that, I follow-up. A week later, I still have not gotten a response. This changed everything for me. I put everything in one bag and I failed.
The reason I am writing this blog is to salvage myself from the failure. I want to take this experience, the one year of nothingness, the month of failure, and learn from my mistakes and make a turning point in my life. I am no longer going to hope for the lottery. It is time for me to make a change and to do so it requires action.
